Paddy had been drinking...

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night. Mick, the bartender, said "You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy".

Paddy replied, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then".

Paddy spun around on his stool and stepped off. He fell flat on his face. "Shoite" he said, pulled himself up by the stool, and dusted himself off.

He took a step towards the door and fell flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" He looked to the doorway and thought to himself that if he could just get to the door and some fresh air he'd be fine.

He belly crawled to the door and shimmied up the door frame. He stuck his head outside and took a deep breath of fresh air, felt much better and took a step out onto the pavement. He fell flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he said. He could see his house just a few doors down. He crawled down the street to his door and shimmied up the door frame. He opened the door and shimmied inside. He took a look up the stairs and said "No fockin' way". But he crawled up the stairs to his bedroom door and said "I can make it to the bed".

He took a step into the room and fell flat on his face. He said, "Fock this, I gotta stop drinking," and fell into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, came into the room carrying a cup of coffee and said, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"

Paddy said, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub"